Woman's Work
by Kid A1
Summary: (ch. 3 up) Long story short... A powerful demon in Our World, disguised as a Kaiooshin fangirl, has endangered the little god's life. Can Aoi and Marron, along with Our crazy gods, save him?
1. Dangers Ahead

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Woman's Work

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1: Dangers Ahead

a DBZ fanfiction by LadyRivka

A/N: This is an action-adventure spoof, starring Aoi (Kaiooshin and Kibito's daughter) , Marron Kuri, and the insane gods of the "real world". They are fighting the evil fangirls…so if you are an evil fangirl, back far, far away if you can't take a joke. –Rivka

Aoi was walking the face of the sacred planet of Kaiooshin-kai, kicking loose pieces of paper across the meadows in nervousness. One of her fathers, the Kaiooshin of the East, looked to be no more than a pathetic husk of a body at this point. She had watched him walk around like a drunkard, weaving to and fro, but what startled her most was that he was not drunk. 

Both Aoi and Kibito, the goddess' other father and 'Shin's mate and bodyguard, felt the god's rapid loss of ki, and Kibito ran to assist him, he being the only healer on the planet. Aoi had not inherited that ability, and, looking at her parents, she wished she did…

Or did she?

Every time he attempted to lay hands upon Kaiooshin and heal him, it backfired, and a little bit of his ki escaped into Kibito's hands. 'Shin lay on his belly, screams of unimaginable pain emanating from his mouth.

Kibito, looking at his hands, was stunned he could…or would…do such a thing to the god he loved. Was it his subconscious mind? Or something else, something more sinister? An outside force threatening to tear the very fabric of their being alive? Or that of the Universe?

The tall bodyguard sighed as Kaiooshin struggled to get up; but no amount of muscular force could get him to do so. Even if his arms pushed himself an inch off of the ground, he would collapse, panting.

Kibito's eyes turned to the near-lifeless body. "Kaiooshin-sama…" he whispered. Afraid to touch him because he might drain more energy, Kibito blew him a kiss and hoped it landed in the right spot.

Aoi watched this ordeal, and her body tensed with rage, sadness, a feeling this close to lunacy. Tears flooded from her black almond-shaped eyes.

"OTOOSAMA! NOOOOO!" she screamed, holding her head, down on her knees.

"Ao-chan, I feel it is useless now," Kibito sighed. "Expressing your emotions will not solve this problem…"

"Are you BLIND? Otoosama is very close to death, and all you can tell me is that feelings mean NOTHING?" Aoi cried into her hands some more. "You figure this out by yourself, 'Bito-chichi. I'm going to see Marron-chan…"

As the girl "kai-kai"ed onto Earth, Kibito muttered, "I will never understand teenagers..."

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Marron Kuri was sitting out behind the Kame House, watching the waves roll in and out, in and out…

Her relaxation was broken by the sudden appearance of Aoi, crying and very nearly out of control.

"Hey, Aoi, what's wrong?" Marron patted her shoulder.

"It's-it's hard to say." Aoi's voice was still choked up with tears. "One of my parents' ki has been stolen…"

"Oh my God!" screamed Marron. "Who would do such a heinous thing?"

Marron's yells threw Aoi into her no-nonsense mode. "I do not know, but they have some sort of unusual motivation. Kibito's healing abilities have reversed as well, and we do not understand the cause. Maybe you could be of assistance…"  


"ME?!? On Kaiooshin-kai? Get out of here!" Marron dismissed Aoi's invitation as a flight of fancy.

"I'm serious." Aoi pointed at Marron, and there she was, in traditional Kaiooshin-kai-jin garb: a pale yellow undershirt and pants, a deep pink tunic, white sash and boots, and pink Potaras. "Now, we go." She grabbed Marron and whispered, "Kai-kai".

--

Marron was shocked to see the East Kaiooshin in such a state, with Kibito kneeling next to him, scowling…

But the train of thought of both girls was broken when Roo-Dai waltzed in front of them, Metallica blaring through his headphones.

He took them off for a minute and stared wantonly at Marron. "Damn, Aoi, you sure got yerself a damn pretty friend there! Blond, and her rack ain't bad neither!"

Aoi blushed at the old coot's words, her fists raised into a fighting stance. Marron's brows sunk as she frowned at the old man.

"Excuse me?" the girls yelled in unison.

Looking at Aoi's fists, and remembering she had Kibito's temper, Roo-Dai backed down and said, "Uhhh…nothing…"

"Do you know anything about this? Did you do it?" Aoi yelled. She knew the old coot had a vendetta against her parents, partly because he thought they were idiots, and partly because they were both male, and in HIS day, if you dated another man, or so he said, you would be hung from a tree for all to see.

"Naw, didn't do it. I don't have the strength to do that, nor would I want to. Ease up, all right?"

"Then who did?" asked Marron innocently.

"I've been watchin' this crystal globe over here 'cause Playboy's been getting' nasty reception, and I got a message from Suika-sama…"

"Who is he?" asked Aoi.

"Umm…Suika-sama is a she. Old girlfriend. Supreme god of a parallel world where we're just a comic book and a TV show. She says East Kaiooshin has a lot of female admirers…it's not that, really, but the fact they're very dangerous girls. Says it may be the end of both Universes. I have her on the line if you'd like to talk to her…"

"Umm, no time…" Aoi gasped. 

"Fine! Watch the Universe crumble!" Roo-dai stuck out his tongue.

"I don't think you should be acting that way…" boomed a female voice, seeming contained. "I'll just open a portal for these girls…"

"Both of us?" asked Marron. "I can't fight!"

"No big deal, I can teach you. You have a very high ki level, young lady, and I won't let you not use it!" With that, a large portal opened up not two feet from where the girls stood. Both walked in, onto a platform that strangely resembled Earth's Tenkai…

END CHAPTER 1

Chapter 2- meet the bizarre real world Gods!


	2. Culture Shock

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Woman's Work

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Chapter 2: Culture Shock

A DBZ fanfiction by Rivka Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

A/N: Okay, so you toughed it out through the first chappie. Pat yourself on the back. This will be an uncomfortable, and for some, disturbing fanfiction piece, so hang on tight if you are a.) an obsessive Kaiooshin fangirl, b.) a religious conformist/"born-again", or c.) a person with absolutely no sense of humor. The ride may be bumpy for you- grab your puke bags! –Rivka

---

Surely the structure resembled the Tenkai, but it wasn't the Tenkai the two girls were familiar with. Instead of Namek-see-jin, there stood two human boys, looking about eighteen or nineteen, one of each of their elbows interlocked, seemingly never to be released from the grip of the other boy. The one on the left had short-cropped light red hair, shimmering blue-gray eyes, and wore a white Chinese tunic with a picture of the Sun on it. The other boy was dark, with black hair and eyes, his hair in a ponytail behind his neck, and wore a dark-gray tunic with the Moon and a single star upon it.

Aoi could tell that they were very closely bonded. Perhaps another pair like her parents…?

A brilliant presence of ki startled the goddess from behind. She turned to find a very short Chinese-looking woman, not much over four feet tall, with deep aqua hair in Chun-Li buns and almond-shaped black eyes. She was wearing a red tunic with the kanji for "water" on it inscribed in blue, the same blue as her pants. She was floating as if by telekinesis…

"So, you are the Goddess with Two Fathers?" she asked.

"What does THAT have to do with anything, the fact I have two male parents?" Aoi screamed, her back tense with anger.

"Sheesh, get a grip!" The short woman crossed her arms. "That is how I know you. Not many people, or gods for that matter, have two biological fathers here. Two biological mothers, I have heard of, but that is a thing of mortals in this Universe. No god is born of two parents of the same sex."

"Maybe you should calm down, Aoi…" gasped Marron. "Things are different here."

Aoi grunted, still angry about how someone could insult her fathers at a time like this. "How would you know that, LADY??" she huffed at the blue-haired woman.

"Well, if you don't mind, I am Suika, the supreme goddess of this Universe. And don't tell me how short my physical body is, because I already know! And I know you're terribly tall for a girl!"

"She knows that!" said Marron. "You'd be tall too if one of your parents was nine foot!"

"My, you're a brazen mortal…lots of ki, too, but untapped," Suika-sama sighed. "Your name, if I may ask?"

"You're a goddess. Aren't you supposed to know my name?" the blonde retorted.

"I only know the names of those in this Universe. Sorry. So tell me!"

The Kuri girl sighed. "Marron Kuri."

"And the goddess? I didn't catch yours, I was kind of busy with galactic destruction, black holes, that sort of thing."

Aoi breathed deeply. This was a chance to introduce herself formally for the first time outside of the practice on Kaiooshin-kai. "I am Aoi, granddaughter of Midori, granddaughter of Ki'iroko, the Goddess with Two Fathers and the Kaiooshin of the Western Quadrant of my Universe." Everything was smoothly rehearsed, except for the "Goddess with Two Fathers" bit, which she decided to add in this Universe for extra identification.

"Greetings, Aoi." Suika shook her hand. "These are Akira, Lord of the Sun, and Yuugure, Lord of Twilight…"

Aoi blushed. "Are they…umm…together?"

Suika-sama was staring at her with what could only be described as a death glare. "No. that stuff is for mortals. If it were among the gods here, all Hell would break loose. I have a hard time enough with a religion called 'Catholicism' and all the scandal caused by priests with altar boys!" Her arms were akimbo, fists clenched tightly into her sides.

Aoi decided to death-glare Suika back, but Marron interrupted them. "Please! Put aside your differences!"

"All right," both grumbled. 

"Okay, so you want a straight answer. Akira and Yuugure there aren't mated; they're twins. My twin sons. And you may marry them if you like if you two complete your mission…"

"Moth-ER!" exclaimed Akira. "My brother and I have better things to do than be constantly occupied by a female!"

"Agreed," sighed Yuugure. "All that matters is the Earth below, not a foolish woman."

"Guys, lighten up!" screamed their mother. "We all KNOW you want to get your freak on with these lovely ladies! After all, you two are MY boys, and I'll be damned if you don't take after ME in this respect!" She did a few fake pelvic thrusts to drive her point home, which made the boys yell and the girls sweat-drop.

"Umm, if we DO decide to take up your offer, we'll let you know," sighed Aoi. "Now what is it we have to do?"

"Go down to Earth, OUR Earth. There is serious trouble afoot, and it is caused by ravenous fangirls of your father's…I mean East Kaiooshin's. Also, I can sense Akuma, Queen of Demons, is among them, in disguise. She may be behind this whole thing."

"Akuma? Is she like Dabra in our Universe?"

Suika thought a bit, and then recognized Dabra's name. "From what I know, Aoi, yes, she is. But female demons are much more sadistic, sexual, and ruthless than their male counterparts in any dimension. This is not helped by the fact that she is experiencing the Ten Thousand."

"What is THAT?" screamed Marron.

"It is a euphenism for Akuma's ovulation, which only occurs every 10,000 years. Unfortunately, this is her year, which means she's looking for a mate. Any mate. But she has her sights set on the shorter of your fathers, which she learned about off of the TV…"

"Huh?" Aoi scratched her head.

"I am the personal muse to one Toriyama Akira, a Japanese man who draws comics. He knows much of your world, but things change through dimensions. It was made into an animated show, this comic, and has many loyal fans. But when it came to the country called the United States, the series with your fathers in it, it incited pandemonium. Every girl and their mother was saying they wanted to have a piece of the Kaiooshin-sama pie, if you know what I mean."

Aoi gasped. Surely her father was not meant to be a sexual object. "You kid me."

"I do not kid, girl. And I think Akuma is in the States, disguised as a fangirl. Go down at once, and if things get rough, come back here." Suika smiled.

Aoi grabbed Marron and "kai-kai"ed to the surface, to the United States.

END CHAPTER 2

Chapter 3- Fangirls! (Boy, I should put a gazillion disclaimers on this next one…)


	3. Welcome to Hell, It's a One-Way Trip

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Woman's Work

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Chapter 3: Welcome to Hell, It's a One-Way Trip

A DBZ fanfiction by Rivka Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

A/N: Ohhh…so you've decided to be a tough lil' bastard and read this far, eh? Well, I have to warn you. If you cannot take a joke or are very easily offended, for the love of God, leave now. It will only get worse. Honest. –Rivka

As the two of them were about to "kai-kai", Suika called out. 

"I forgot to tell you some key things! Wait up!" The girls were frozen in place, paying attention to the Supreme Goddess of Our Universe. "You need to be very careful around her…Akuma is a succubus, which means that, after mating with a man, she devours their soul. Aoi, your father looks like a goner if Akuma gets her filthy hands on him…"

"Yes, either way, even if she doesn't kill him," the Kaiooshin girl sighed. "We are not supposed to get physically intimate, else we die. It is in the best interest of our Universe."

"Geez," sighed Suika, "you Kaiooshin are something else. You can't even have some nooky! For the love of the Universe, I've never heard of such a thing!"

"Moth-ER…!" Akira howled. "How many times in a day must you mention procreation?"

Suika waved an uplifted index finger towards her sons. "Until you two learn to not be suck stiff-necked boors and have some fun!"

The boys sweat-dropped. "Ummm…Mother…"

"Umm, Suika-sama, you said you were going to train me," Marron whispered. "If we're to accomplish everything, I need to know how to fight."

"Child, you will find in your heart how to fight when the time comes. If not, Aoi can contact me telepathically."

"Uhh…yeah…" Aoi trailed off.

"Now, be gone! And good luck! Remember how attractive my sons are!"

The girls groaned, and finally "kai-kai"ed to the Earth's surface, to a neighborhood in the USA where they could feel an unusual presence.

---

They landed in front of a white two-story house, looked rather normal, although the screams and giggles of junior-high-aged girls could be heard within. Curious, Aoi took Marron and "kai-kai"ed to the room in which the girls were, making extra sure to be quiet and well-hidden as not to disturb them.

Peering out from the closet, the two DBZ girls watched in horror as five girls, each between 13 and 15 years of age, many of whom were rather unattractive or wearing braces or thick glasses or whatnot, were screaming at East Kaiooshin on the TV. Some were going so far as to hump the corners every time he came on the screen.

Aoi clenched her fists, trying to restrain her growing anger. Why him? He did nothing wrong. He wasn't, in her opinion, even that good-looking, and she was probably older than him biologically. But she became more angry when she heard the girls loudly boo every time 'Bito-chichi was on the screen. He wasn't even a threat- not in Aoi's mind at least. But, boy, did she ever get MAD.

She punched through the doors of the closet, panting heavily. All five girls were staring at her as if she were the spawn of Satan.

"Who-who the hell are you?" asked a chubby redhead.

"Aoi, the Goddess with Two Fathers," she huffed.

Another girl, this time with blond pigtails, thick brown glasses, and iron-maiden braces, yelled, "I bet you're just some fan character created by some icky yaoi pimp!"

The others behind her made a face. "EWWW! YAOI!"

The goddess scratched her head. "What's a fan character? And what's yaoi, and why don't you like it?"

"A fan character, dumb-ass, is a character not in the show! And yaoi…yaoi…is the single most disgusting thing on Earth!" The girl shuddered.

"Maybe I can help," interjected yet a third, who had short brown hair and was wearing men's clothing. "Amy, you take a rest. Yaoi is…two guys together! HAVING SEX!"

A chorus line of "ewww"'s came from the group of girls.

Aoi scratched her head. "They never HAD sex! My parents never HAD sex!"

"Did they KISS?" hissed Amy.

"Of course they kiss!" hissed Aoi through her teeth, trying her damndest not to rip the blonde girl a new one.

"That's even worse!" squealed the girls in unison as they ran out the lounge-room door.

Marron bent over in Aoi's ear and whispered, "You can't win for losing here…I say just try to locate Akuma and get on with it."

"Right."

All around their feet, pieces of typed-on paper were strewn about. Curious, they decided to have a look… and were HORRIFIED with what they read.

"Every single one of these is about having sex with Otoosama!" yelped Aoi, trying to restrain herself because she felt the girls' ki downstairs.

"Yeah, for not liking sex, these girls are pretty sick, especially that Amy Hamilton one, the blonde with the really bad braces? I mean, read this." Marron, white as a sheet, handed the piece of paper over to her friend.

Upon reading the very first paragraph, she wanted to cry, avenge her parents here. It was about how horny her father was. She was especially pissed that Kibito was treated as a nobody here, and her other father said the word "fuck"! Never in a million years would she hear Otoosama use ANY foul language, especially THAT word. But 'Bito-chichi…well, he was a different story. If you EVER crossed his path, he cursed to himself like a sailor.

Aoi forced herself to read further, and was sickened by all the coarse, degrading terms for parts of the sexual anatomy, as well as Otoosama acting like a total man-whore with the authoress. And the Universe forbid, he wasn't as TALL as the authoress' description said his…umm…SIZE was. 

Aoi dropped the paper. This was a very good candidate for Akuma, too good. But she felt she couldn't stay on the planet much longer, not with girls who were so perverted they would send Roo-Dai running for the hills.

So she grabbed Marron and some evidence and "kai-kai"ed back to this Earth's Tenkai, where she hoped Suika-sama would have a stomach pump…

END CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4- More stuff to piss you off, courtesy of Rivka! (Please don't shoot, I have a sensitive brain area.) Like I said earlier, if you feel offended, don't read this, and don't flame me! -Rivka


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